


An Unbearable Life

by ughisaac (Shwatsonlocked)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Scott McCall, Anchors, Au of Episodes 3x05 and 3x06, Canon Divergence, Emotional Rollercoaster, Episode: s03e05 Frayed, Episode:s03e06 Motel California, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Get together fic, M/M, Pack Dynamics, Past Abuse, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicide Attempt, do these tags confuse you yet?, they confuse me and I wrote this thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/883962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shwatsonlocked/pseuds/ughisaac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Isaac leans his head against the bus window, his eyes slipping shut. His control is the shakiest it’s ever been and he tries to focus on his anchor. Thinking about his father doesn’t do anything to help though, not anymore. Instead, he sinks into the memories of last night. Last night that started off so good, with jokes and shared smiles and riding behind Scott on his bike.  They should have never gone to talk to Deucalion."</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Unbearable Life

**Author's Note:**

> If you chose not to watch Motel California because of triggers, I do not recommend you reading this fic. 
> 
> Not beta-read (as usual) so any mistakes are mine. I tried out writing in present tense for this, so hopefully I didn't throw a past tense in where it doesn't belong. Enjoy!

"McCall! Where's McCall? Stilinski! Where's your weird friend?" Finstock barks, ushering the cross country team onto the bus.

Isaac can see Stiles almost curl in on himself at the question, trying to make himself smaller. Isaac used to do the same thing; he knows what it looks like when you wish you're invisible. 

"Scott's not gonna make it today, Coach," Stiles manages to say before hurrying onto the bus. Isaac and Boyd follow behind him, choosing to sit all the way in the back. 

Isaac leans forward to talk around Boyd, his hand resting on the seat in front of him. 

"Why did we even come today? What's a stupid high school competition matter right now?" Isaac hisses, his claws tearing into cheap leather seat. 

"Isaac, you're starting to lose control," Stiles warns quietly, staring pointedly at said clawed seat. He looks like hell. Isaac does too actually. Stiles carries on, "We're here because Sco-because he would want us to make sure Alpha Thing 1 doesn't do anything. Do you think I'd even be here otherwise?" Stiles is whisper shouting at the end but the reason calms his wolf enough for Isaac to regain most of his control.

Isaac leans his head against the bus window, his eyes slipping shut. His control is the shakiest it's ever been and he tries to focus on his anchor. Thinking about his father doesn't do anything to help though, not anymore. Instead, he sinks into the memories of last night. Last night that started off so good, with jokes and shared smiles and riding behind Scott on his bike.  They should have never gone to talk to Deucalion.

 

* * *

 

"Scott!" Isaac yells, rushing to the edge where Scott had just been. _No, no, no, no!  Scott's fine he's okay-_ Isaac stares in shock.

Scott is unmoving on the broken escalator, staring up at Isaac with lifeless eyes. Something breaks in Isaac's chest. Scott's eyes should never look so dull. Why isn't he getting up, healing?  He can feel someone pull him back, telling him they need to leave. Isaac jerks away from the hand on his shoulder.  He can hear Allison crying, shouting for Scott as she continues to fire arrows at the Alpha pack.  

"I'm not leaving without Scott," he growls. Derek spins him around, red eyes flashing. 

"I said we're leaving," Derek orders, his voice adopting the Alpha-order-obey tone he's so fond of and he tries to pull Isaac with him. Isaac yanks his arm from Derek's grip, standing his ground. 

"You can't order me around anymore, Derek. _You_ kicked me out and you're not _my_ Alpha. I'm not leaving without Scott." 

Derek's shoulders slump.

 "Scott's dead, Isaac." The Alpha sounds guilty. He should. His actions got Scott killed. _No. Scott's not dead. Derek's wrong._ "I'll come back for Scott, now get out of here before I drag you out." 

 

* * *

 

Isaac drives Scott's bike back in a daze, not paying attention to where he's going. What is he going to tell Mrs. McCall? Tell Stiles? Is Derek just going to drop Scott in an unmarked grave like they'd done for Erica? Isaac feels dizzy and sweaty and he swerves to a halt, throwing himself off the bike. He runs into the forest, leaving Scott's bike abandoned on the side of the road, just like he'd abandoned Scott.  

He runs and runs until his legs are quivering too much to continue and they buckle beneath him. Isaac kneels on the dirt forest floor, unable to do anything but punch the ground. He feels his knuckles break and heal, break and heal, and releases a scream of rage.  His whole body is shaking and his claws are cutting into his palms. This wasn't supposed to happen. Being a werewolf was supposed to have been an improvement but it's only brought Isaac more pain. More loss. 

Isaac doesn't know what to do or how to make it stop hurting, so he gives in to the wolf. He shifts and lets out a mournful howl, a high pitching whine that's the sound of a wolf who has lost everything. 

* * *

 

He makes it back to the McCall house an hour later, dirty and dehydrated, and wavers in his decision to come back when he sees the cars in the driveway. He thinks about leaving the bike and finding somewhere else to sleep, anywhere he didn't have to feel guilty for letting Scott leave the house tonight. Isaac doesn't know if he wants to stay in that house without him. It doesn't feel right. The option is taken from him when the front door opens, light spilling out into the front yard.  

"Isaac?" Melissa is crying. He can smell the salt of tears and the slightly acrid scent of anguish on her, even from the driveway. He shouldn't have come back, he was intruding on her grieving. 

"I'm sorry," he says, turning around to leave.

"No! Isaac, stay. Please. Scott…Scott would want you to stay," she chokes out through her tears, motioning him inside. 

Isaac nods reluctantly and steps into the house, suppressing his own urge to cry again. His throat is tight and his eyes are sore from earlier. He tries to swallow the lump in his throat but it's still there. From where he's standing awkwardly in the front entryway, he can see Allison sitting with Stiles on the sofa. She isn't crying anymore and the other boy is pale and eerily silent. 

After a few minutes, Stiles finally speaks. "I should have been there. Scott's my brother. Scott is my brother and I wasn't there and now he's dead." 

No one says anything when Stiles breaks down. He and Allison fall asleep on the McCall's couch shortly after that and Isaac desperately wishes he could join them.

When Derek never shows up with Scott's body, Isaac tries calling him. He only gets back a text that the bodies were gone. He isn't sure what it means that the Alpha pack took Scott away with the bald Alpha and he really doesn't want to think about it anymore, so he heads upstairs and peeks into Scott's room in the vain hope that Scott will be there and this is all a horrible misunderstanding. He only finds Mrs. McCall asleep on the bed, hugging one of Scott's shirts like a teddy bear. 

He finally passes out in the hallway and for the first time, his nightmares aren't about being locked in the freezer.

Stiles wakes him up simply by coming upstairs. 

"Get dressed. I called Boyd. We're going to the cross country meet," he says, his mouth a hard line and looking like any argument wouldn't be tolerated. Isaac's still half asleep so he merely nods and grabs what he needs on autopilot. It isn't until he's at school, ready to get on the bus, that he registers what's wrong with this whole situation. Before he can say anything, Finstock is asking where Scott is and then they're on the bus to leave Beacon Hills.

 

* * *

 

Isaac comes to when the bus pulls off at a rest stop and they're trapped with the burning stench of vomit for ten minutes too long.  Everyone races outside as soon as the bus is stopped, Ethan among them. Isaac's standing with the others, his body tense as he listens to Ethan talk to Danny, and is only vaguely aware that Allison and Lydia join them.  

When Ethan is standing alone under the tree, he says something that makes Isaac's fragile control snap. In his rage, everything blurs together. He knows he's wailing on the Alpha, that said Alpha is letting him do it and that people are trying to stop him, but Isaac doesn't care. All he cares about is bashing Ethan's face in for saying Scott got what an Omega deserved. Scott wasn't- **isn't** an Omega. Scott is _pack. Scott is Isaac's pack, and Stiles' and Allison's and Lydia's._ And of anyone, Scott was the last person who deserved to die. And Scott wouldn't want Isaac to ruin his life like this. Boyd finally decides to step in and pull Isaac away, and Isaac lets him- but only because Scott would have stopped him. Isaac is sure Scott would have stopped him.

Incredibly, Finstock doesn't mention any punishment for beating up another student, which is probably a really bad call for a supposed authority figure, but Isaac isn't about to ask him for a suspension.  The vomit smell has mostly dissipated, so the team gets back on the bus, including Allison and Lydia.

Finstock decides that they'll never get to the city where the meet is  tonight, and makes the driver stop at a motel in Fairview, called the Glen Capri. When their ragtag pack- are they even a pack without an Alpha?- is split up for the night, Isaac is paired with Boyd by an agitated Stiles, who decides to room alone.  Boyd leaves the room without a word, comes back for the ice bucket and leaves again. Isaac stretches out on the bed until Boyd comes back with the ice, and his eyes shut. A few seconds later, Isaac hears something that sounds like footsteps and he opens his eyes to look around. 

"Boyd?" There's no answer. Isaac shrugs mentally and shuts his eyes again. It's a creepy motel that probably has rats or something. 

He can hear the sound of tools clanging on the floor, and it's painfully familiar. Isaac shoots up, eyes wild because he's no longer in the motel room in Fairview. He's back in Beacon Hills, in his father's house and his father is asking if he even knows the difference between two wrench sizes and Isaac can't help responding.  

"You mean the difference between a seven and a nine is? It's a stripped bolt." 

_A stripped bolt?_

"I'm sorry, I didn't-- what do you want me to do?"

_I want you to shut up._

"I want you to shut up. Shut up, shut up. What can I do? I can't fix this now. I can't fix **this** now. I can't fix it. I can't fix it," Isaac chants.

  _I can't even keep it closed._ _Grab the chains._

_"_ What? Grab the chains. Get in. I said, get in."

  _Are you not hearing me, son? Get in the damn freezer!_

He shouts "GET IN!" and covers his head with a pillow, burying his face into the mattress. Slowly, Isaac uncovers his face to see where he is, no longer sure which is place is real and what's in his head. Isaac looks up and he's laying in the freezer. He hates it. He _deserves_ it. He screams, he always screams, before the lid slams shut over his face. Pitch black is all he sees and he feels the walls closing in on him, inching closer and closer, suffocating him. Isaac is trapped...and then Isaac forgets.

 The next thing he remembers is cowering under the bed, Stiles singeing him with a road flare and being left alone again.

 

* * *

 

Isaac is standing on the roof of the motel, ready to take the fall. The air is chilly and pushes at him, trying to knock him off the ledge and the roof is cold under his bare feet. He's not sure if he can do it facing forward. Isaac chuckles. Maybe he'll fall backward like Scott did. It's probably the better way, to not know when he'd hit the ground until it was too late. The funny thing about this, is that this isn't even some evil force trying to make him do this. This is just Isaac. Just Isaac being unable to carry on anymore. He's lost too much and he's tried to keep going but he is just. So. Tired. He isn't sure what made Scott McCall the last straw, he just knows that his life is more unbearable every day. 

Isaac turns around on the ledge and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. He is deaf to everything except the howl of the wind and the roar of his own heart beating in trepidation. He shuffles his feet backward and begins to lean over the edge. His body is fighting the command to fall backwards, set on preserving itself. Isaac realizes he'll have to jump. 

He says a mental apology to the remaining members of the pack, though he's not sure whose pack he's apologizing to, and bends his knees. 

His feet leave the ledge and he's in air for what already seems like forever and isn't actually any time at all because there's someone grabbing him tightly around the waist and pulling him back down to safety. He lands on a warm, firm body instead of cold, hard cement. Isaac inhales to yell at the person for stopping him when he catches a scent that makes him scramble backward until his back hits the side of the roof. Isaac forgets how to breathe as he takes in tan skin and dark messy hair before settling on wonderfully alive brown eyes. Eyes that are conveying so much concern that Isaac feels sucker-punched. 

Isaac can't move, can't think, can't _breathe_. Suddenly Scott is kneeling in front of him, saying something that Isaac doesn't understand. Scott moves his hand to cup Isaac's face.

Scott's hand is warm and slightly calloused and Isaac can instantly breathe again. Everything that had confused him before seemed crystal clear.  Scott is everything to Isaac. His friend. His anchor. His Alpha. Maybe even just his. 

Isaac launches himself forward, wrapping his arms around Scott so tight he might as well be smothering him with a pillow, and sobs. He knows Scott won't think less of him for it and thinks he can feel hot tears staining his own shirt. After a few minutes of just re-memorizing the scent of Scott, Isaac pulls away. Scott doesn't let him go far, keeping a gentle grip on his arm with one hand, wiping Isaac's face with the other. 

"Why Isaac? Why were you going to jump?" Scott asks, his eyes moving rapidly over Isaac's face. The other werewolf is frowning slightly and there's a crease on his forehead because his eyebrows are knitted together. He reaches out and tries to smooth the line out with his thumb. He drops his hand limply when Scott's face relaxes. 

Isaac wants to look away but he can't. He's half afraid that Scott will disappear if he does, so he just shrugs.

 "It was too much," he says and pauses. He's already lost Scott once without telling him how he feels, without even knowing he felt that way. 

"Loosing you was too much," he murmurs, maintaining eye contact. 

Scott's fingers tighten on Isaac's arm and Isaac finds himself being tugged forward once more. He's expecting another hug, welcomes it even, so when Scott's lips brush against his, his brain short-circuits again and doesn't respond to the kiss. Scott seems to understand because when he backs off, he doesn't pull completely away, keeping mere centimetres between their mouths. Isaac's lips are tingling and they're practically sharing every inhale and exhale; Isaac just has to shift forward and they'll be kissing again.

It feels like this is what they've been drifting toward, ever since the words "I don't want you to get hurt" came out of Scott's mouth. 

Isaac wants this. He wants this with Scott. Scott who's alive and in front of him and who apparently wants this too, because he still hasn't moved away. The sexual tension is palatable, an electric current in the air between them. Scott's tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip and Isaac closes the gap. He loses himself to the feelings of slightly chapped lips brushing his own, pressure alternating between the gentle, tender caress of a first kiss to the desperate bruising nature of a reunion between parted lovers. His eyes slide shut and he can feel Scott's breath tickling his cheek when he exhales through his nose. Scott is kissing him like Isaac is everything to him too and the joy of that thought warms him like hot apple cider on a cold day.  

Isaac wants to be selfish. He wants to stay up here with Scott, to continue kissing until their lips are swollen and it hurts to keep pressing the soft skin together, to keep feeling Scott's hand on his neck, gently holding him in place and his fingers playing with the hairs within reach, but he pulls away so he can find out what happened last night. 

Scott looks disappointed, but he's radiating happiness. He's a werewolf sun and Isaac is an orbiting planet, basking in the warmth of him. 

"How did you survive? Did the others see you yet?"

Scott's eyes flash red at the question and Isaac feels a tiny shiver travel up his spine at the sight.  

"Woah. Guess you really are my Alpha now," he manages. Alpha Scott is proving to be a very big turn on, judging by the way his throat felt like he'd spent a week in the desert and well, the obvious response from his dick. Isaac feels his face heat up when he remembers that Scott can probably smell how he's affected right now.  "Did you kill that other Alpha?"

"I haven't killed anyone, Isaac! I don't know how it happened." Scott says, ruffling his hands through his hair. Scott's shoulder's are rigid. Isaac feels guilty at feeling so happy over something that upsets Scott so much. 

"Sorry, I know this wasn't what you wanted-" 

Scott sighs and sits next to Isaac, their sides pressed together with the roof ledge against their backs.

 "No, it's not what I wanted, but I can't run from it. I don't want to run from it anymore." Scott pauses. "The fall didn't kill me. It hurt dude, like I can't even describe how much, but I woke up before Ennis and got out of there as fast as I could. By the time I made it home, you guys were gone. My mom wanted to lock me up but it's like I knew you guys needed me, that something was going to happen, and I sort of freaked her out with the new eyes, but she told me that Stiles had dragged everyone to the meet."

"How'd you know we stopped here?"

Scott shrugs. "I followed my nose."

"Wherever it goes?

Scott laughs and nudges Isaac with his elbow. "I am not Toucan Sam." 

"No, you're just an Alpha werewolf with a pack who thought you were dead. Really, how'd you find us?"

"I called Allison when I got to Fairview because I lost your scent. She told me where the motel was and the pack knows I'm alive now but we couldn't find you and then Lydia saw you up here and I didn't know if I was going to make it-" 

Isaac's stomach drops  at the mention of Scott's on-again-off-again girlfriend and he misses the rest of Scott's explanation. Right. Of course he called Allison. She's his epic love. "Oh," he says flatly. 

"-in time. What? Why'd you say 'oh'?" Scott's face is twisted with worry again. 

"Is this about Allison?" Isaac stays silent, not wanting to seem like a jealous friend. The kiss probably didn't mean anything. It was just the adrenaline or something.  

"No! It's not like that, not anymore. I just-" Scott tries to explain but ends up growling in frustration before he tries again, "I'll always love Allison, but we're never going to work, I get it now. I just figured she'd be most likely to answer. I-" Isaac doesn't let him finish.

"Why did you kiss me, Scott?"

"Isaac…," Scott says his name in a painful whine and turns Isaac's face toward him, " …because I love you! And also because you were about to jump to your death but really because I love you." 

Isaac is staring at Scott, not saying anything and the silence stretches between them. Scott bites his lip and is beginning to look like a kicked puppy. 

"Isaac? Isaac you have to say something, please, " he pleads. 

Scott loves him. Scott McCall loves Isaac. Does Isaac love Scott? Yeah. Yes. Yes, he does. Isaac's palms are sweaty now and his stomach is fluttering. Isaac takes a calming breath and puts Scott out of his misery.

"Scott, I love you too but if you ever fake die again, I'm going to kill you." Isaac threatens before grabbing Scott's shirt and pulling him in for another kiss. This one is way less chaste and sloppier than their previous kisses, with Isaac's tongue swiping at Scott's bottom lip, causing Scott to open his mouth. Isaac takes that as invitation to deepen the kiss. Their teeth clack together, surprisingly normal human teeth since he can hear their hearts racing away, and someone moans when their tongues slide together, wet and warm and wonderful. Isaac runs his trembling hands through Scott's hair, tugging gently at the strands. Their noses bump awkwardly when Scott's head tilts toward the hair pulling and they pull away with a laugh. Scott's cheeks are flushed and Isaac's feel warm, so he knows he's blushing too.

Scott's stomach chooses that moment to growl. 

"We should go get some Mexican food," Isaac jokes, looking up through his lashes at Scott and laces their fingers together. 

Scott grins and nods, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Isaac loves it when Scott smiles. 

"Definitely," Scott replies, pulling Isaac up with him. 

They go back down from the roof and find the others, who decide to crash on the bus for the night. Everyone grabs their stuff from the creepy motel rooms and meets back at the school bus. It's not going to be comfortable, but it'll be safer. Isaac is wearing shoes and a hoodie now and he trails closely behind Scott, not touching but still hovering closer than normal friends. Allison smiles at Isaac, her face openly relieved because she knows somehow and she's okay with it. There's a message in her eyes, warning him not to hurt Scott or she'll stab him with her ring daggers, and Isaac nods. Message received. Despite her hunter blood, Isaac's starting to think Allison's alright.  

Boyd claps Isaac on the back and claims the back of the bus as his. Isaac wonders whose pack Boyd is in, if he's wavering between the Hale and McCall packs-because they're officially the McCall pack now with Scott's new status- or if he's deemed himself Omega. He thinks Boyd feels like pack again, but only just. It's tentative. 

 Allison and Lydia sit in the middle of the bus while Stiles hugs Scott, the tension in his shoulders gone with his best friend's return. Isaac moves to sit in the back with Boyd, to let Scott and Stiles have some time together like he'd had on the roof but Scott stops him with a gentle touch on his arm, trailing his fingers down to hold Isaac's hand.  Lydia notices, raises a perfectly groomed eyebrow and nods in approval at the new couple before using Allison's shoulder as a pillow. 

Stiles stretches out in the seat across from the girls and Scott guides Isaac into the row directly in front. Scott  pulls an extra jacket from Isaac's bag and reaches around Isaac to cram it between the hard metal bus and Isaac's head. Isaac rolls his eyes, props one leg up on the seat so Scott can lean against him and adjusts the jacket so it's actually cushioning his head against the window.

"Thanks Scott, that was helpful," he says sarcastically. His lips twitch upwards in amusement.

"Shut up," Scott says, trying to look angry but failing. He gives up and scoots back into the space Isaac made for him. Isaac wraps one arm loosely around his boyfriend's waist. At least, he hoped Scott was his boyfriend. 

"You two are sickening, I hope you know that," Stiles chimes in from behind them.

"Go to sleep Stiles," Scott replies with his eyes drifting shut. 

"Right, sorry, I'll let you cuddle your werewolf boyfriend in peace."

"Thanks man, I appreciate it." Isaac grins at Scott confirming what he hadn't even asked.

"Will you all be quiet? I'm trying to sleep back here," a sleepy voice growled from the back.

"Sorry Boyd," Stiles and Scott say together. 

Boyd grunts in reply and then the bus is silent.

They still have the Alpha pack and Darach to deal with, and that terrifies Isaac, but right now they're a world away from the dangers of Beacon Hills. With Scott leading them, he believes they're going to survive this. They have to.   

Isaac falls asleep with a smile for the first time in years.  

**Author's Note:**

> I'm such a troll for adding the major character death tag, aren't I? I hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading!


End file.
